peterpan — 11.01.08, 15:29:41

hagebaumarkt Flower Talk – Düngemittel

Let our professional flower psychologist talk to your flowers and plants. You will see – your little green frinds will feel better afterwards!


Translation:

The 'Fertilizer' chapter


Now I'd really like to know just how green you are, my friends. Maybe you heard about it, or maybe it even happened to you: did you know that houseplant owners are the biggest stimulants dealers the country has ever seen? It's true, really! Only farmers and foresters are worse!

Honestly, there are studies about how they consistently make their little friends in pots and tubs into feeble fertilizer fixers. It often starts harmlessly with doses of spring water – experts call it entry level horticultural fertilizer – they pour it into your soil with some lame excuse or other. Then they begin to say, ' Oh, but they just love it'. Or, 'All those mineral are just right to get them growing.'
Ok, ok, is all I can say to that. Of course plants love it, but if you tell their owners that their green charges could be on a road to addiction with no return, they go all innocent on you. They just won't listen to that kind of rot.

My advice, friends: beware of people taking natural liberties with this synthetic flower-power fertilizer stuff. Maybe it does feel good to have a magnesium high, or feel the fizz of spring water around the tips of your roots. But listen to my words – you'll get used to these moments of pleasure a lot faster than you imagine. Before you know it, your owners will turn up with brand new concoctions. Just imagine; your owner comes tomorrow with a bottle of flower fertilizer – the latest designer fertilizer on the market. They proudly apply a dose of hallucinatory minerals and expect you to just suck it up regardless. True to the motto, ' If you're going to have flowers, then a lot. After all, this stuff is expensive.'.

What happens then has only been told by very few houseplants who survived to tell the tale of their gruesome addiction:

It starts to get warm around your roots, then they go all soft. From this moment on, it's already too late to turn back. Your capillaries transport the evil substances higher and higher up your stem. From there it suffuses every vein of every leaf and stalk until it reaches its ultimate goal, your buds, and induces intensive bouts of floral insanity. Your inner juices transpire faster and wildly, your leaves and stems dance in psychedelic gyrations with every breath of wind, your will is broken and your buds begin to lose control. You begin to flower in an uninhibited fertilizer induced profusion.
How do plant owners react? They stand and stare, wide-eyed and smiling while visibly enjoying the rampant blooming insanity of their poor enslaved fertilizer addicts.


I know full well that the treacherous illusion of the entire flower-power scene is all just show. And I know how the desire for new and more powerful fertilizers and growth-stimulating substrates is pushed. I also know the pressures you poor innocent plants have to face when your owners show you the latest beauties in the glossy gardening catalogues. But I tell you now, it is all an illusion. The flashy flowerers in the advertising brochures are fertilizer junkies to the tips of their leaves. Not only that, these poor plants are styled, sprayed, powdered and polished and whatever by unscrupulous so-called 'Professional Florists'. Believe you me, they may look fantastic as photos, but after only a couple of summers the glorification of their floral exuberance is at an end, and they lead a poor life in dark corners, old and exploited, unable to produce a green shoot and would do everything for even the tiniest shot of guano. I've even heard there are disreputable windowsill dives where old plants push out a couple of meagre flowers just for a shot of synthetic fertilizer.

That is no life for a decent houseplant, my friends. Always on the lookout for gigantic floral fantasies which can only end on the slow but sure road to the great compost heap. Right, so think about what plant owners do then. Do you really believe they care about their green room-mates any more? Do you honestly believe that they'll help you to stand with straight stems and stalks again? No way! Even coming down in a cold fertilizer withdrawal in the fresh air is most frequently much too tough. Not to mention a course of rehabilitation out in the garden. You must accept that the fertilizer industry is simply without a trace of scruples. Instead of helping you to recover, old and drooping plants with fertilized overdoses are just thrown on the compost heap and replaced by new and virile young growth. Society has no place for perennials!

So let me say it again: don't let your roots get a hold on stuff like this! Even though the unknown or forbidden radiates an immense attraction, and you feel a desire to try everything the fertilizer dealers have to offer. Keep away from dubious synthetic fertilizers- And above all, keep an eye on your owners. Because, my friends, true beauty is a natural thing and not a fertilizer fantasy!

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  1. Kommentar von Things to do post @ July 01, 2020, 08:23 I have read your blog it is very helpful for me. I want to say thanks to you. I have bookmark your site for future updates. If you are looking for the best things to do around the world, this list has something for everybody from food to history and culture.

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