peterpan — 11.01.08, 15:29:55

hagebaumarkt Flower Talk – Mobbing

Let our professional flower psychologist talk to your flowers and plants. You will see – your little green frinds will feel better afterwards!


The 'Mobbing' chapter:

And now, a serious word amongst friends!
It has been called to my attention that it's not all pretty flowers and shiny leaves in your ranks, in fact that some of you are proper little brambles and cacti deep inside. That you're always getting on each other's shoots and wishing your neighbours a bad dose of greenfly. Winding each other up and kidding about. Or am I wrong?

(SFX) A short silent pause

Well, your silence tells a lot, seems what I heard is right. None of you want to comment? Nothing at all?
Alright, I'll tell you something:
Have you ever heard about acid soils out in the woods? Some people say it's the trees are doing it and it's nothing to do with acid rain. Because they've been standing together for so long and are making life hard for their neighbours. It all starts when their crowns steal each others' sunshine, and that's where things really start to go downhill. Then one will cut off his neighbour's water supply, throw parasites and fungus, call in a Woodpecker or two and so on and so forth. What then happens is obvious:
At first a few leaves will fall, then twigs, then whole branches. The mobbed tree is unable to bear fruit any more, loses the leaves on its crown and eventually dies or is felled by a sympathetic woodsman. This all happens because each tree is an egoist. Because of envy. Because they can't stand being so close or just don't like the looks of their fellow trees. So, in time this whole anger makes the forest floor more and more acidic.

Now, dear friends, the forest floor is large and your pots and tubs are small. How long do you think it takes until your soil is acid? How long until your first flowers fall or the one leaf or another turns yellow?
Do you really think that your owners care about or notice anything of your pot-bound anger? Here's an example: you over there in the corner, what do you think happens when you constantly pick on your neighbour, throw insults, take his bees, tell others that he stinks and laugh every time he flowers late? Your neighbour will suddenly feel ill, his buds won't open or his leaves will droop and turn yellow. Your owners will notice that, Now think about what they'll do next! They might put him outside or he might get re-potted. In the worst case, he'll never stand on your windowsill again. Then you alone will have one of your potted comrades on your conscience. And don't believe it's easy to rehabilitate yourself after a business like this.

Now perhaps you may think, 'Why should that bother me, I'm the most beautiful bloomer on the sill.' But friends, I must tell you that plants who mob can get ill from it too.
They are constantly forced to think up new evils, constantly occupied with gorging themselves on the pain of others. They soon lose any friends they ever had, sit alone on the windowsill and become bored. Interminable boredom. Terrible and desperate boredom. Boredom that lasts until they themselves begin to lose their leaves in a terminal display of organic despair.

Is that what you want? To be alone and bored? If you're honest, I think you know what a terribly empty life that must be. That's why I say: stop mobbing. Be nice to each other and get along. Share the air and the bees. Fan each other a fresh breeze with your leaves, and move your foliage so that everyone gets their share of the sun. And then, dear friends, I guarantee that you will be the most beautiful and happy band of potted plants in town. And you will make your owners very, very happy and proud to have you!

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